I appreciate your response and it seems you have done some introspection. But are you in a program for addictions, 12-Step, regular counseling, anything? That wasn't clear. Addictions don't just go away with out a lot of work, they may go underground and surface as something else later but they don't just go away.
Yes, I tend to forget things when I'm in the zone.
When my wife left, I met with my counselor (who is also my preacher), started actively participating in two online porn addiction recovery forums, created accountability partners with one of my church elders and my close church friends, and partnered with an accountability person (first my sister in TX and another in England) to handle my home computer web-filter account. Credit also to MWD, DB/DR, phone coaching w/Chuck and other similar programs - the steps to make 180s and GALS greatly helped me with my recovery as well. Talking to God more (not just praying), reading the Bible more in-depthly and getting myself way more involved in church and external activities made me aware that I am always forgiven in God's eyes, that I just needed to seek Him. I lost that path during our marriage, and I regret that as the "man of the house", I failed in keeping God between my wife and I.
As I grew stronger and developed my porn-free and masturbation-free projects (there were a couple of initial hiccups for the latter), I stopped counseling, but kept my accountability folks and all the other strategies above. What's new is whenever I feel my resolve weakening or threatened, I'd attend online SSA meetings (which are available thrice daily).
Originally Posted By: labug
Your wife married you as you, not you as an addict. Some choose to say and deal with it, for others it's too damaging.
I think a quote hangten posted not long ago sums this up aptly:
"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace." - CHUCK PALAHNIUK
Originally Posted By: labug
Just as you had no right to abuse her (during SOME of those confrontations, I would grab her and on two occasions push her against the wall...that's abuse in my book), she does not have the right to abuse you. But it sounds like you bring out the worst in each other. Why not just let the Ls handle everything and not have contact with her?
I wish good luck to your son.
I believe that her memories/scars (not just from our relationship, but her childhood as well) bring out the worst in her. I would LIKE to believe that I have moved on from there as a person and live life as a the greener grass. Perhaps my wife doesn't see it altogether, or maybe she does and refuses to believe it; either way, it's her choice and in the present, her choice continues to affect our son negatively. Sure, she tells me that it's not the best choice she can give him by separating from me, but truth be told, it's not THE BEST choice.
