Well, I do think that the transparency should be mutual. Can you offer to stop contact with your old boyfriend, if your husband is uncomfortable with it? Say something like "Unlike in your situation, my relationship with _____ has NEVER escalated into kissing or anything beyond the 'just friends' stage, but my marriage is my top priority right now, and if it's important to you, I'd be willing to stop contacting ______ if you will do the same with OW. I'm also willing to give you my Facebook password, and you can check my messages to and from him any time you want to -- there's really nothing inappropriate there at all."
(or something similar, depending on how you communicate with this guy).
At this precarious stage of your attempted reconciliation, nh, NEITHER of you should have any friends of the opposite sex, except other married couples. At a MINIMUM, if, say, your male friend wanted to go to lunch with you or something, you should agree "only if my husband comes along."
You husband and you are simply in too fragile of a place right now.
Starsky
It was such a stupid thing with the ex-bf...We had a short R just before H and I met, about 15 years ago. Didn't have contact, could care less. The whole FB thing happened, and people were "finding" friends on FB, so he friended me and we chatted for a couple of days, catching up and talking about stuff from the past (not R related, just talking about mutual friends). That was probably a couple of years ago or more. I stayed "friends" with him on FB, but no contact since then. When H brought it up again a couple of months ago, I didn't have a problem "un-friending" him, so I did, and told H that it really didn't mean anything to me. So there goes that.
I could just piss him off and friend another ex-bf, one he's actually sort of met (but refused to talk to him)..that would really set him off....jk
I just don't see how he's comparing a prior R from before we were even dating to having an EA WHILE we are married. We're talking apples and oranges here, but he's just so stubborn.
I agree with on complete transparency. IMHO, married people should have friends that they wouldn't want their spouse to at least meet.
We definitely are in a fragile place, I don't trust him, and he doesn't trust me.
