And I don't mean that about just this sitch. I might be able to say to my H when he said I was controlling and it hurt him: "I understand that I hurt you by being controlling" because I'm a controlling fixer (in recovery) and I admit that. It's a fact.

But about getting a divorce after a long marriage without working at it, I don't understand that. I'm getting to acceptance of that but I may never understand it beyond it was his choice.

It's dangerous to say, "I understand how you feel" because there is no way we can truly understand how another feels. It negates the other's experience and feelings.

The more accurate response might be simply, "I understand that you want a divorce."

Leave the feelings out of it.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss