The time to have done it would have been when he asked back into the marriage and the home. "OK, but I'm afraid it's not that simple anymore. These are the things I would need," and then you let them know what your boundaries and dealbreakers are.
Were there ANY consequences for his waywardness? Or did you simply take him back?
Starsky
Oh, I've said it enough times. And we didn't have an "official" homecoming thing or anything. He just got back from his 2 week trip and was different. His TM while away were increasing, too. So maybe he got a chance to think and miss me? Who knows.
I also received flowers from a friend the week he came back. He went a little crazy thinking they were from a guy. A few days later, he came home with flowers, too.
He says there's nothing between him and OW now. Even if it is true today, he crossed the line and there is no turning back. He said he doesn't "un-friend" people, and that it would be "weird". He also brings up that I was in contact with my ex-bf, and thinks this is the same kind of situation. Whenever I've brought this us, he either just doesn't respond at all (which drives me nuts), or will tell me to let it go.
All I know is that at some point he will need to respect my feelings, even if he doesn't agree. The day will come (soon), and he will need to make a decision.
Well, I do think that the transparency should be mutual. Can you offer to stop contact with your old boyfriend, if your husband is uncomfortable with it? Say something like "Unlike in your situation, my relationship with _____ has NEVER escalated into kissing or anything beyond the 'just friends' stage, but my marriage is my top priority right now, and if it's important to you, I'd be willing to stop contacting ______ if you will do the same with OW. I'm also willing to give you my Facebook password, and you can check my messages to and from him any time you want to -- there's really nothing inappropriate there at all."
(or something similar, depending on how you communicate with this guy).
At this precarious stage of your attempted reconciliation, nh, NEITHER of you should have any friends of the opposite sex, except other married couples. At a MINIMUM, if, say, your male friend wanted to go to lunch with you or something, you should agree "only if my husband comes along."
You husband and you are simply in too fragile of a place right now.
