WHG: Looking for the shrinking cake

[workinghardguy]

Thanks guys... yes, I'm alive That's funny, I popped on here today thinking "geez... it's been a while since I've been on the boards." I've got a low-impact day today... I should catch up and post an update

I can't believe it's been two weeks since I last updated... I don't think I've ever gone that long before. Things have more or less fallen into a routine of sorts I guess. The schedule W and I have with our S works. He seems to be doing okay with break up, though who can really tell. Every so often he talks about how he hates the divorce. Or tells me that divorces break up families. Last week he devised a plan where I would buy a house out in the country. Then we could all be together again because he knows mommy wants to live out in the country. Sorry kid... if only that would do it.

I get time with SS and SD sparingly. That remains the most depressing part of this whole process. The last two weeks have been harder as my W's work schedule has moved around so now it's one day a week. SS at least gets to do the volunteer group every other weekend so he sleeps over every other Friday and goes with me Saturday mornings.

Mother's Day was hard I'll admit. I always loved Mother's Day and would plan for months what my gift would be. Of course not this year (well, except for my mom) S insisted though that we needed to get mom a gift. He made a gift box at school and wanted something in it. So I caved and took him to the store. He kept looking at $100 necklaces. Finally I gave him $10 and told him to pick something out. Of course he's 6 so he still wanted help.

He also was adamant that he give his gift and card (that he made) to her on Mother's Day (though it was my weekend). So I texted my W the night before and told her that our S wanted her to stop by before she went to work. I was surprised that she said she had stopped by that morning to say hi, but we were gone (which we were). I think Mother's Day weekend with no kids was really getting to her. Anyway, it went well. S and her visited for a bit. We chatted a few minutes and she was on her way. Church that morning was hard though as it was about mothers, and it just hurt that my S's mother had opted out of being there and out of the family.

Another funny/awkward moment was the day before Mother's Day. S and I were out for a bike ride. He found some wild flocks and picked them. He wanted to stop by my W's house (we were two blocks away) and leave the flowers in a vase for mom. That seemed creepy to me... even though it was from S... so we settled on leaving them in her mailbox and a text message from S to her that he left them for her.

So what else is new... guess not much. Bought a trail-a-bike for my S. Best $200 I've spent in a long time. We go on 5-6 mile bike rides together now. He loves it and good fun for me. Certainly not JB-level riding, but hey, I've got a six year old on the back

GAL is going good... seem constantly busy. Still missing just outright "fun" activities (like parties, out for dinner, etc...) but other fun activities are filling the time. Doing a lot of work with my volunteer group. Last month I was asked to be part of a six-person national workgroup working on improving our youth program so I spent four days in Alabama meeting the group. That same weekend my chapter of the youth group won the award for the best youth programming/group in Wisconsin.

Still no change on the divorce front. Just last night W mentioned again that she's so broke she can't afford to file. While I know she's broke (last week she had a letter on the counter showing she bounced $125 in checks) I'm not buying it. This isn't to say she doesn't believe it... I think she just feels she has her necessary space and isn't driven anymore to D. Not that she doesn't want to or isn't planning on it, just that it's not a priority. I've seen how she spends her money and there a number of things she's prioritized ahead of that. Her dad would give her the $200 in a heartbeat, but still nothing. And it cuts both ways... I could pay for it at any point. But I've set the boundary that I won't pay for a divorce I don't want. At the same time that's just a convenient way of not having to face whether it should happen.

I keep getting pressure from friends and co-workers to file. "I'm a catch" according to many... a job, only one kid, smart, upwardly mobile, paid well, own a house, etc... That there'd be lots of women hoping to find a guy like me. But honestly I still get tired when I think of someone else. A new relationship means investing yourself and I just don't have the capital right now to invest. I'm also not willing to give up yet... just live my life and see where things go. Ride the ride as it were.

W and I pretty much don't talk unless it's kid related. It's still a little odd when she gets home and I'm there after having put all the kids to bed. She likes to launch into her life's dramas. But I keep it short and leave. I was surprised that she asked on Monday if I was ok because my car had been in the driveway all day. As it turns out I was sick and sleeping all day.