In-Home Separation, One Year Point

[adinva]

So, I'm glad I hit 100 posts over there because if I could erase my last post I would. I have no idea how I feel most of the time, and most of the time I tell myself it doesn't matter. I have work to do, a life to live, kids to take care of. Put the best face on it and move on. Accuray pushed me a little to identify how happy I really am and I wrote some gibberish that makes no sense.

I guess constitutionally I feel mostly happy almost always, but under the surface is stuff I'm not dealing with. Most of the time I don't see the point because I'm fine. But I take the opportunities with IC to dig and and get to work on it. If nothing else good came of all this, the impetus to see a therapist was a very good thing for me. I can do better than before.

My current thinking on H is that he's on a path he needs to follow. I'm here, being who I am, taking care of things, and hoping he'll wake up one day soon and come back to me. OT popped in with a friendly reminder to focus on me and not so much on what H is doing from one day to the next. Good advice.

For me, I'm going to do some solid work today, stick to my diet, walk on my lunch break, and make "chicken with 40 cloves of garlic" for dinner. It has lemons in it and the garlic roasts in the pan, yummy. And - wash the dishes I hid out on the porch so the housecleaners could do their work yesterday. And - start cleaning the pollen out of the porch so it's a nice place to hang out. And - really pay good attention to my kids this evening, laptop off.