He asked for divorce after coming back from Iraq..

[A&J2009]

I think i'm going to go to California. Its been almost 4 months me out of the states and after the bomb dropped and if i dont go there right now i'm going to lose my green card and then there are no hopes for any kind of getting back together. i won't even be able to get visa to fly to him. of course, H is not worrying about it.

As DB book that i’m working on right now and everyone here on the boards say if one thing doesn't work try something else. i went dark for 3 weeks, and it didn’t bring much results except for H contacting me to find out how I was doing and tell me that he has his own life now and i have mine, because I just disappeared and he's convinced that i cheated on him. and even if we tried to get back together nothing would work cause we wouldn't be able to get past it.
so I cant consider it much of a result:(

i decided to try something new for a change. I picked up all my guts together and called him on the phone. he picked up and we ended up talking for about 30 minutes. no R talks! I was asking him about his new apartment and new job and told him that i'm very proud of him and his advance in career. he asked what i've been up to. first time in a while we've had a nice conversation without mutual accusations, being upset or him saying - i'm not changing my mind and me trying to convince him that we can be together. just a friends talk, not close but at least not the people that hate each other.

it was on Sunday, I called him once again on Tuesday, we talked for 5 minutes and he said he's on some comedy show with a friend and he can't talk. so i texted him later - if you have a minute tonight let me know just wanted to talk. he texted me 30 min later that i can call him. and we talked for another 20 minutes, no R talks again, just share what we've been doing. a marine corps friend is staying with him till may 21st, so he's just working during the day and partying at nights. (thats my loving and caring and family oriented H now. so sad. like 17 year old boy.)

I'm confused now, we talked twice on the phone, both times i initiated conversations. He never called or texted first but he didn't ignore me, and didn't sound aggravated or bored when we were talking, i would say it was a little awkward. now i’m just afraid that he’s over me already, that it doesn't bother him talking to me, like talking to some friend that you haven't seen in a while, ok, but nothing mutual already. he sounds like he’s loving his new job, he’s new apartment, new car, getting friends and just hanging out and sounds pretty happy with his life without me, like he doesn't even think about us anymore. and i feel like i’m torturing myself everyday. thinking about him.

thats the part i would really need some advice on.

1) Should i just keep calling and texting him once in awhile, not everyday, just to ask him how he's doing and share what's going on in my life or should i just go dark again and let him initiate next conversation first? i'm confused. I don’t want to push him and at the same time don't want to make him think that i gave up on our marriage because thats what he was accusing me of when i went dark, that i disappeared, stopped talking to him(it means i stopped initiating contacts) and it didn't look like i wanted to fix anything. i feel like he's confused and confusing me! and it is so stressful.

2) How to tell H that i’m coming to California, and should i stay with him in the house in different rooms if i don't find another place to stay?

Please, any suggestions will be more than appreciated!!