What is going on here... and what do I do?

[LIO]

Big events this weekend.
Today was move out day...
It sucked... kind of.

Today I sent my S (5) is now on his way to visit Gma and Gpa 2 states away. I thought it would be best if he weren't here. I've never been apart from him.

Last night, H came to me saying that:
"I've cheated 2 times in 13 years, the problem IS YOU (Lio)" and that "You (Lio) try to justify what I did (the cheating), you try to make it into something else" (note: which I didn't... I never gave him excuses, or reasons of his own behavior. I asked why - but never talked to him about my thoughts on why - or even gave him a reason in my own head). I told him "Oh no, I don't justify it - I think you are an [swearword] for putting me through that. I hate that you did that and I do not want to be cheated on ever. I hate that you lied. I hate that you felt the need to do that instead of telling me what you needed. And worst of all, I hate that you didn't spend time with me when I needed you to. I don't justify it at all, but I think that it something that needs to be looked at by YOU on why you did it."

He came up and initiated sex this morning. For the first time in 3 months.

I did initially flip out and have a crazy moment when he started packing and moving his stuff downstairs. Then I realized that that is NOT the behavior I want to exhibit. So I started helping him pack. He said "I don't need your help". I left the box upstairs for him to take down.

I mentioned before, I feel he projects his feelings onto me (and others). I learned:
1) In the past he mentioned my 'crappy' job (which I never said). Translation: He is unhappy with his situation in life with work (confirmed directly this morning)
2) He said that I justify his cheating (I didn't do, didn't say). Translation?: He is unhappy he cheated, he tries to say it doesn't bother him and he justified it and now can't deal with that. I didn't 'punish' him enough I guess.... in his eyes.
3) Today he said He HATES our house. Wants me to get rid of it (I think he is using this as a reason to force me to change our living situation). I think if we ever reconciled, he would never come back to this house.
3) Today He backslid from going gangbusters on divorce (he said "I just need to take some time I don't want to keep doing this circle. Right now, this is all I can do to change it")
His tone was nicer today.

We goofed off for 10 minutes with one of his toys inside, and talked a bit outside. I only opened the truck door for him later. The extent of my 'helping'.


Standing outside between his moving boxes, I heard from him:

that he was frustrated with work and that while the people were nice and he liked the job, he can't advance. He's stuck. He's working on side projects, but doesn't know if they will succeed. He wants to make more money, but doesn't feel like he can.

He hates the house... he feels stuck.


He agreed that his work schedule created a big barrier between "us". I said, "I know it might be hard for you to change it, but it really hurt us and put us here, and it doesn't give you opportunity to work on your business goals". I don't know if he can change it - but he knows if he wants to come back and still works there - it doesn't work especially since S will be starting school (during the hours H was home) and he isn't able to connect with us.

Just as he left, He did tell me that he would help me get the house ready, to call him for help. He said he would be here more than he has been to do things with S (and me). He did also tell me to get a list of 5 things on my own business that I was working on ready for him and that he would help me.

I did stupidly(??) says (I thought he needed to hear me say we needed him and that I heard his 'stuck' concerns): " I get you are frustrated and feel stuck. I think maybe you feel like a fresh start would help. I want you to be successful in your business, in your career, and of course, here with us. I hope you can see that I want to work with you, but I don't want to make things worse and tell you what to do. Bottom line is I need you here, our S needs you home at night. I'm letting you go because ultimately I feel we will be together the rest of our lives, and this will be a blip in our timeline. You need space. But if/when you do come back. COME Back. not like the in and out the year before. We always are a good team together, and we can strategize our next plan."

He still has stuff here. He "couldn't" fit it all in his truck (well.... he could have but said he couldn't). I don't even think he has furniture (or that he will even get any).

Even though he is 'gone', it seemed like he is still maybe leaving the door open?
I am not pursuing H now. Without S here this week, I don't know if H will be here - but I would be interested to see how long H stays over this week.

Finally, he is always mentioning how he wants me to do my business. Like all the time mentioning it. I guess I ought to work on that then. Maybe if I show I'm successful at that, it will give him hope, and as it's creative, we can connect over the creative part of it. Worst case, it gives me a income