Need help on this unexpected journey/Stopping D

[AJM]

You haven't healed yet, GM. You haven't moved on yet. But you are defining the things you need to tackle which is very positive. You seem to still be doing the post-mortem of the marriage. That's fine, but keep in mind you can only do so much before you need to be satisfied you know your part and the things you don't like about you (i.e. want to change about you FOR you.)
There's no blueprint. We can only deal with what we can deal with at the time. No more than that. It takes as long as it does.
For now, you broke things down. You said you could have been a better partner. What does that look like going forward?
You mentioned letting go of the dream, the family as you knew it, and your H.
I suggest you not tackle them all at once. Pick one. My suggestion is to pick the dream of family as you knew it. Take a week or so to grieve that and get past just that. Leave the rest for later. Then go back and pick something else. I suggest "the dream" as the next one.
Don't go after them all at once. No magic pill. Just facing things as they are and making decisions you won't regret based on that reality and what you know and who you are.

I know. I've been there, GM. I tried to swallow the elephant all at once. Didn't work. One at a time though... then I could deal and face reality vs. what I wanted things to be.

It was my path out of the h*** I put myself in because I chose to avoid the reality and to be consumed by it for a long time. It led to forgiveness and truly letting go of things I could not control. Accepting things as they are vs. what I wanted to believe them to be.

Freedom from the pain and anger.

Peace,
AJ