If you were truly detached, you wouldn't care, you'd feel bad for him for missing out on what you have to offer.
Hi Accuray, Thank you for your wise words - this really helped me get through the last few days.
On expectations - I'm getting much better at this. I really have reduced these to almost 0. On true detachment, I'm not so far advanced. I do feel bad for him that he's missing out, but I can't say I've completely detached yet. So I will keep at it.
I am doing a pretty good job at 180-ing my issues, I think, as you suggest, but I will keep this at the forefront of my thinking, as it's so important for me and the kids in our interactions, too.
I am trying to be fun, non-judgemental, confident, and attractive. Just a bit impatient that H doesn't seem to register any of these changes. Not that I absolutely need him too... but it would be nice.
I am def acting 'as if' and trying to give him space. All I do now is to announce that the kids and I are doing something, or have an event that he might like to attend. When he declines because he is 'too busy at work,' or has football training, I just say "That's Ok, no worries' or similar. No pressure any more. I don't ring or text him, and when he calls me, I try to end the call first in an upbeat way.
I think you are dead right with your point that: "Some people think that you're just trying to trick them and lure them back with your 180's, but once they return everything will go back to how it was."
So my limbo is going to have to continue with prolonged practice of consistent behaviour.
And realistically, I have been backsliding a lot over the last months. Really only been consistent in my 180s for about the last couple of months.
So, need to re-set my patience levels. I've got a LONG way to go yet.
So, all in all, I do feel much better for having thought about your feedback. Phew!
You are helping people so much - I hope you realise how useful your posts are. Best NLW.
