Tonight in my mediation class at the end we had to think of a wish for ourselves, one for someone else, and one for the world. Yes I really am this airy-fairy.
And at first my wish was I want to be at peace and calm with my sitch however it turns out. And she said now consider all the ways this could come true are you happy with this? If not change your wish and I thought scr*w it...my wish is that H and I really have another chance that he sees his way to that bridge.
And then I was visualising it. I could see the bridge wooden and beautiful with draping flowers and I was standing on it almost sweeping leaves and things off and then he was walking up, smiling, and I was wearing a dress I know he likes and he called me sweetheart in that voice and we embraced. And I realized I know where that bridge is. I know where I've just pictured us. I can see it. I can feel it. I know that my friends will say not to get my hopes up. I know that Broken will say he feels it in his gut. I know that many people will say just be okay with what is right now. But if I don't have hope....I don't have much.
I'm a dreamer. It's one of the things he loves and hates about me. (and a part of me that hasn't been around lately)I jump off big cliffs expecting to find a soft place to land and it usually works. His grandma (quite warily) said of me..."that one she gets what she wants" and you know what? I DO!
I'm not asking for the impossible I just want a chance I want to meet him on that bridge and give it an honest try.
Someone said maybe you'll learn to appreciate each other. I feel like I do now.....a lot more than I have in a very very long time.
There are things about the way he's acting now that are disappointing to me. I'm not trying to see things through rose colored glasses But I can only hope that he is trying to grow.
