Still Afloat and moving Forward

[WenikiTiki]

Dear BeingMe:

Have you looked at this gals website and extensive blogging? I've been reading a few a day. Very helpful for me, she has a funny way of oputting things, but helping me see the reality of my situation.
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk

When you talk about your H it is a lot like my relationship was.

I hope your MRI goes well.

Aloha,

Wendy

[BeingMe]

That blog looks really interesting, Wendy. Thanks for pointing me to it.

Some journaling ....

I "was" enjoying my weekend. Went to friend's house last night for margarita's ... her H is very heavy-handed with the tequila, so I could only have two. I got back home at 3-ish a.m., and my D19 had a message from home country that H's dad is in the hospital. So, I had to wake H up ... about 6.30 a.m. where he is. I waited to hear how FIL is doing, which is, he'll be okay ... had a clot near his heart ... will be going home today. Then I got to sleep around 4 a.m. only to be woken by the garden dude with his huge lawnmower at 10.30 a.m. Ugh! And, just this minute the dog puked. Bleh!

I think I will have a quiet Saturday (what's left of it), and hope Mother's Day tomorrow will be different. Indeed, I demand that it be different, even though there is only one kid left at home. Poor D19. It's a lovely sunny day, so I may go out and pull some weeds and plant some seeds, take pukey dog for a walk, and then have a nap.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there, fighting in the trenches of motherhood, keeping the home fires burning, "being all you can be."

[BeingMe]

Journaling ....

My D31 sent me a beautiful bouque of flowers on Sunday, with a lovely message. My D19 gave me a book she bought at her place of work ... a bookstore, and an awesome card ... we also went to lunch together (H is away, as usual). D24 phoned me and we had a nice, long chat. I think she is happy that I will be in her city for the summer. I am so looking forward to having more time with my grandkids, who are growing up so fast. S24 is away for work in Europe, and he is usually the first to wish me Happy Mother's day, but I haven't heard from him yet ... I'm a teeny bit worried. Not too much because I know he works 7 days a week/12 hours a day. All in all, it was a great Mother's Day. Even my H wished me happy mother's, but he was early, thinking it was on the Saturday. Won't fault him for that ... just found it amusing.

I still miss my mom who passed away in 1979, the year before my D31 was born. I could've really used her advice at certain times. There were lots of times, as a mom, where I was just winging it. I figured if I didn't know what I was doing, I would at least hug a lot.

I've started calorie counting again - http://caloriecount.about.com. I'm so determined to lose those 50lbs this year. I'm tired of being fat.

And so, the days advance .... and I grow stronger and stronger.

[BeingMe]

P.S. FIL is home and doing well. He is in his 90's so these scares will happen.

[job]

Glad to hear that your FIL is home and doing well. He's at that age where you have to be scared when something like this happens. Is he on a blood thinner?

[BeingMe]

Not sure, but he has low blood pressure, so I'm inclined to think not?

[BeingMe]

Quote from trailer of Marigold Hotel: "Everything will be okay in the end. So, if it's not okay, it's not the end."

Love it.

[BeingMe]

A friend sent this to me via email (she is one of my friends who prays for my M, when I have stopped):

"I grew up with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then re-used it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it... A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones. Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away.

I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep. It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my father died, and on that clear winter's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... while we have it..... it's best we love it.... and care for it... and fix it when it's broken......... and heal it when it's sick. This is true ... for marriage....... and old cars.... and children with bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips.... and aging parents..... and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special ... and so, we keep them close! Good friends are like stars... You
don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Keep them close!"

[sweetbabyred]

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So... while we have it..... it's best we love it.... and care for it... and fix it when it's broken......... and heal it when it's sick. This is true ... for marriage....... and old cars.... and children with bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips.... and aging parents..... and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

That paragraph made me cry. That's exactly how I feel and sometimes it's so hard to have a spouse who doesn't feel the same way. It's a reminder to to appreciate what I have now, because nothing lasts forever.

[BeingMe]

I know how you feel. I have stopped struggling, but going with the flow and appreciating what I have in this moment.