Thank you, AJ. I really needed the reminder that this isn't all my fault. Maybe if I read it and hear enough times I'll really believe it. One lesson I've learned through all of this (actually one of The Four Agreements) is always do your best. You will then avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret. I read this many years ago and I guess applied it to every area of my life accept my marriage. I know I was a great wife in more ways than not, but I definitely could have worked better at being a partner (that's true for both of us, but I can only be responsible for my shortcomings).
At the moment, I'm really working hard at letting go of my H, our family as I knew it and the dream. It seems impossible. When people say they've healed and moved on, have they really? I can't imagine that day.
