I could be reading too much into this so feel free to ignore me. But where are you? It seems like you've lost yourself in all this. Which means you'd have a very low self esteem right now. That really the relationship and your wife are what make you, you.
Take care of yourself, figure out what you're about and build your self esteem.
The next thing i would do is stop any manipulation. It will backfire and you'll regret not being the best you. Sometimes when you put it all into fixing the relationship you loose a part of yourself and take on all the responsibility leaving her not invested and you lost.
The last thing I would say is begin taking care of your own needs as best you can and give her some space.
I realize you've been here before and you don't feel like doing it necessarily but reading Divorce Remedy might wake you up. If you separate you may be alarmed at how you feel.
I'm sorry if I read over your situation too quickly and my perspective is off/wrong.
