Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Saturday was a tough day. I shunned XW a couple of times during the day and then during the performance I said to myself that was silly. So after D9's tap performance was over I consciously went down and enjoyed the triumphant time with XW.

It helped that BF wasn't there. I doubt I would have done that if they were together. That's the next step.

Then D13 went to her grandma's, D9 went home with me and XW chose to go .... wherever.

On Sunday, after church, I consciously asked XW to come outside so I could wish her happy mother's day.

Then I spent a few hours on the phone with my sister to get through the day.

Since about midway through Sunday, I've felt better. For a couple of reasons.

I won't HAVE to see XW and BF again until ... the fall maybe when D13 is back in school and back in theater. And I'm going to be a volunteer next fall in D13's play. I've backed off way too much from the theater group. I need to get back involved so it doesn't just become D13's thing with XW.

Still, this'll give me more months to get more water under the bridge.

Second thing -- and it shows again how far I have to go to detach. D9 received a prayer card for donating to one of church's fundraising activities. On it, she asked for money for XW because "mom is out of money" as she explained it to me.

And unfortunately, that made me feel better. I keep falling into the LBS trap of imagining how great her life is without me. The fact that she has money troubles doesn't surprise me. She got a $5,000 bonus in March and apparently burned through it all in eight weeks.

I guess it reminded me that my life is exceedingly hectic and difficult and tiring ... but overall I'm heading in the right direction.