My own thread...my sordid story.

[Meredith]

You made some amazing discoveries and now your insights and knowledge are going to pay you back with interest.

In just about any self-help or recovery book, class or discussion they will tell you that discovering the real problem is the first step in reaching a real resolution. I think you’re well on your way to that resolution!

I have blatantly and outright told my H that my love language was quality time. I think I caught him in ‘teenager mode’ though because he did a laugh/snort thing and said “your LOVE what??”…So, I offered to lend the book but he raised his eyebrows and said, as though he was talking to our 4-year-old niece, “thank you, but I think I will pass on that”. Apparently he’s not quite ready for the LL book…maybe once he finishes One Fish Two Fish and makes it to chapter books we’ll try that conversation again.

Without some kind of feedback, it is almost impossible to tell what our H’s love languages are. How was Betsey to know that Mr. W wanted his laundry put away as well as folded?

As far as becoming a Stepford wife…I think that you and your H need to somehow come to a ‘clean slate’ agreement. You may have made some poor choices in the past, but so did he. If you try to pay off this debt that you have made yourself responsible for, you will only make yourself nuts. I think you need to set some boundaries for yourself and for your family. What things do you do for them that you enjoy doing and they enjoy receiving? Do these things fit into your schedule on a regular basis or should they only be done as a special reward or encouragement? What things could they do for themselves to help you out and give them a sense of accomplishment and responsibility? If there are things that you are doing for them that they don’t give a fig about and you are making yourself nuts doing them – STOP!

Example, my mom used to vacuum our basement ceiling (between the suspended ceiling and actual ceiling) to remove the cobwebs that we couldn’t see. She would scream and yell (crazymake) when we didn’t notice this gesture and was really hurt that none of us appreciated it. She hated doing it, we couldn’t care less whether or not it was done and she resented us for not appreciating her sacrifice. Nobody won here – including the homeless spiders.