4th and long, goal to go, touchdown required

[Broken74]

Thanks Brit!

I do feel like I'm in the best position since this whole thing started, that being said it's still frustrating though. So after allowing myself to get spun up over her touch and go, haven't heard a peep from the W since Sunday. The scary thing to me is I'm ok with that, and I think the next time she approaches I'm not going to get spun up about it. This episode did really kick me in gear though, 4 miles running and 5 on the bike yesterday, and I mapped out a great scenic 5 mile running route near my work as well, can't wait to do that today.

I've been doing a lot of thinking as to why I am so willing to put my heart on the line again with my W. Logically it makes very little sense. I am involved with a woman who for all practical purposes is perfect for me. Smart, beautiful, brilliant, fun loving, athletic, doesn't have kids but wants them, and has never done anything to hurt me and doesn't seem like she would have it in her to do so.

I end up asking myself, why would I give up this woman who enhances my life in so many ways, to take a chance to jump back into the meat grinder that has shredded me for the last 8 months? Obviously the sanctity of the marriage is one argument, but she fired me from that 8 months ago... Ironically I don't even bring up the affair here, I think I am literally finally over it... It is obvious why the recommendation is not to get involved with OP as we go through this. But she has helped me through this though in so many ways and knows the entire story, with the exception of my thoughts about reconciliation.

So it is what it is. I got all excited on Sunday, and today I find myself asking why I felt that way. There really is nothing to be excited about. I am more excited about my upcoming long weekend with my other lady friend, not with what my W is thinking, doing, or otherwise.

I have made my mistakes in life and relationships, but by God I AM a great catch. I AM a man that only a fool would leave, I don't have anything to prove to her. She can turn over stones until the cows come home and she will not find a better man than me. I am the father figure that her children have never had, and I'm doing more for them in absentia than their fathers ever will. One of them runs a hot dog stand and the other is in jail for God's sake. I'm starting to wonder if I'm going to care if she ever figures any of this out or not.

This is really all quite laffable when I step back and reflect on it, it still amazes me that I am in this situation.
I should have handled Sunday differently, my pursuing statements were nauseating. I am dropping the rope now. If she wants the OPPORTUNITY for another chance with me she had better bring her A game, because I deserve nothing less. There are plenty of women who would love to take a shot at the opportunity she is passing up, and with each passing day her luster gets a little less bright...

So I wish her the best of luck, just as I do all of you in your respective sitch's!