April, I dont think I can help you with what to do but Ive become an expert at what not to do. Ive begged,pleaded,cried,threatened to divorce her, even bought her her own house in town because there were no apartments available. I can feel your anger. I have it for my W at times. Its so very hard to detach. You still love him even though it makes no sense. Im with you on that.
You have come to a good place. There are many kindred spirits here who care about you and what youre going through. We are all here to help and be helped. I find much strength here. You will too.
Hello everyone- Just a quick update as things seem to change on here as quick as I can change handbags. I have had to put my D on hold for a little while as I received the infamous "pink slip" on Friday. Finding full time employment for next school year has to be my TOP concern at the moment.
Regarding PEI's statement about my self-esteem issues. I did not have low self esteem before we were married. When my H and I married, I was very strong, confident, and thought I knew what I wanted. According to him, that is what attracted him to me. I was young--18 to be exact. That is wayyyyy to young to make that kind of decision. We grew apart. I do consider the other woman a cow--if that makes me angry--so be it. I am still angry, but it does not control me, or rule my thoughts. I do see a C, and we are making wonderful strides at finding who I am again.
Truth is I lost me in the years we were together. I wrapped all my happiness up in him and it was explosive. I am a fixer--I want to be needed and that is why I stayed for so long in this toxic situation. I thought I could change him, and that was not the case. I cannot fix him or make him see what he is doing. Detachment from that is easy--its a choice that you make and stick to it.
I am FAR from healed, or cured or any other adjective we want to use. I am making the CHOICE to be happy for me. I choose to do things for me. No one else. Whatever else happens is out of my control. But for today, April is doing pretty good...and that is a feeling that I like:)
Thanks Ro--budget cuts in every aspect and its teachers and students who pay the price. It's all good! I will come out smiling and have another teaching job very soon.
So thought I would share what the H has done now. Last Thursday I got flowers delivered to my home. They were from " my adult children." They are 23 and 22. Lovely message about how my love for them had allowed them to be the adults they ar today.
Wait for it......
They were from the runaway spouse. He sent them, and he sent the same arrangement to the live in (censored...heavily censored.) Of course the message was different...he wrote out a message from HER children, also adults. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who does that????? He is insane and I am tired of riding the train into crazy town. I want my money back, and I want to get the h#@ll out of here!!!!!
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....this [censored] the big one!!!!!
Other than that side trip into crazy town, my Mother's Day was awesome!
Hi April, judge read a little of your thread. I think you and my wife might have quite a bit in common to talk about, especially when it comes to having lying, deceptive husbands. After six years of marriage, my wife finally walked away thinking that I'll never change.
I'm sorry about his Mother's Day "gesture" (it's bleeping nuts, I agree), but I'm glad you had a good day nonetheless.
Hang in there and let us know how we can help you!
I just responded to something you wrote on Nblosts thread because it resonated so strongly with me - then I came over and visited your thread.
Oh you beautiful woman. I know you. I am you. You talk the talk, but getting it from your head to your heart ... well, that's a much longer journey.
PEIs post is a wonderful loving contribution for you to reflect on.
April, this stuff is hard and painful. Perhaps the most ridiculous part is that you can see the complete idiocy of your life-time partners behaviour (ie flowers to everyone neatly compartmentalised in groups ... completely inappropriate, but in his head, fair and equitable!!! **)
I'll write more tomorrow, but for now, it's really important that you don't take this stuff personally. His behaviour is not about you. It does not reflect on you and it is not motivated by you. Lose any sense of responsibility for it right now.
Your rhetoric in the other post was great. That's the place you need to get to - but for the time being, be patient with yourself. It is going to take more than a few months.
(((April)))
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
