I haven't got time for the pain

[tested metal]

Today appears to be a brighter day so far. D1 is really beginning to learn quickly and is starting to string words and thoughts together. It melts my heart to hear her say "Tank you daddy and Feezy Pop Peeze." (Freezy pop please)

Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare she gave me the best and biggest hug I have ever received in my life. The kind where she clung tightly to my neck and wraped her whole little body around me and held on for almost 1 minute.

I am learning to enjoy the little time I have with her. It is a joy to be a witness to her world and how she sees things.

As for myself I am laying pretty low right now. I am finding that When I lay low, I get very creative and my guitar playing gets a whole lot better. So I am trying to use that time wisely.

Apparently according to mediator, the D can be finalized within a week or two of the mediation, so the D might be coming faster than I realized. I am slowly coming to terms with it. I am conflicted because on one hand I don't want the marriage to end, but on the other I want peace and at least this way I have something to back me up if she starts bickering over custody or money.

I still love STBXW very much but am starting to feel it is time to move on. I have very little hope for her and the path she has choosen. I only hope that D1 will not make the same decisions and will learn from this. I will do my best to be a good father and role model. That is all I can do at this point.