hey brit... when you are down like this, take what ever time you need to work through those emotions and keep yourself busy...
While I doubt that I have felt the way you are, regarding a R... I can understand how you feel. It took me a long time and a lot of work to understand and know how to live life with no regrets.
But I can tell you that there are at least two people from my past that I had R with and I was the one who chose to end the R. And at those time, I did regret it...
and as time went on, we finally did take time to talk about it...
years and years after the fact...
and with both, we did try to re-engage in an R... and they didn't work...
You MAY have an opportunity in the future to have THAT talk with your X...
As annoyed as an LBS can get when their WAS / X tries to reconnect... I would submit that feeling the LBS has is based in confusion... and fear... fear that they'll get emotionally enmeshed with someone who hurt them...
once bitten, twice shy...
you didn't hurt him... you made a choice regarding the M... he might not see it as a choice, but he really does choose to live in pain or fear, if that is what is going on in him... he chose to be "hurt BY you"...
Based on his continued connection with you... and his expressed fear of re-lapsing... it does sound like he'd be open to what ever type of R the two of you might have over the next while...
