Hi GM. I think you are doing wonderful considering. It is painful. It is difficult. It will have your emotions see-sawsing all over the place. It's a thrill ride you didn't ask for... Something to consider as you move forward when you wonder if it was you. A realtionship is a choice. It is where two imperfect parties work through their issues. Nations do it. Groups do it. People do it.
Were you perfect? No, of course not. Was it that life was unbearable with you? No, of course not. Were you the reason he left? Absolutely not!
He is unwilling or unable to work through issues with you. Possibly with anyone. That is not the same as you being the reason he left. I'm sure he loved you and may possibly still. His grief will look weird to you because you don't see the rest of the story.
Wait for it. Understand it is not you. Understand there was nothing more you could have done.
About the grief. We as people need figure out how much grief we can take at a time. How much we can process at any given time. It differs for everyone. Having something like running to help? It helps. It gives us a break from the constant grief.
In my experience, you need more than just one relief valve such as running. You'll need a few of them over time and I recommend you search for those things. Your kids need you. You need you. You won't be any good to them if you are toast on the side of the road.
Find the things that help you get a break from time to time. They may not be the same things as before, but they will be there as you find them. As you need them. Keep looking.
Be good!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
