I know that I am stressed about money and bills. It's been two months since he moved out and I am still getting used to the new budget and weighing up the possibility of a move when my lease is up in a few months.
I am dealing with a lot of regret today. I know it's silly. I just look back at when I ended it and feel so horrible for doing so, for not looking for more tools, for being so hard headed. I am consumed with it. I believed that when it was over it was over. I was so hurt and tired. I didn't like myself. I felt rejected, unloved, unwanted. And yet there were times when we really enjoyed each other's company. Event the weekend before I told him it was over. I did really have fun with him.
I'm just so sad today and I don't want to be. I wish I could tell last fall me to read a few books, go to MC (even though he didn't want to), I don't know if he ever has these thoughts. He doesn't talk to me about it.
