Got the mother load of data from WAH today

[fightingforit]

I am still here I have been so confused recently, so this post may be a bit all over the place.

The kids have been having a really hard time and I have had trouble coping with that. I do text/ call my H every time there is an incident and he doesn't really say or do much except to say "that's sad" or "that's upsetting". I am so disappointed in him, I thought I married such a "nice guy". I am reading the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" and I am starting to see how he really isn't as "nice" as he seems. That his personal issues extend way beyond what I realized.

I am really making progress in my personal therapy, and I see that there is no way that I can return to my previous relationship dynamics. They were so dysfunctional. From reading these boards and working with my IC I see that we had a pursuer/ distancer relationship. Guess who's the pursuer:)

We had a session with our MC today, for "co-parenting therapy". He is all over the place. He did say that he didn't mean it when he said he never loved me and had never been attracted to me, and he was crying when he said it. I didn't react or respond, I think I am too detached at this point. I said "thanks for telling me that, it really hurt my feelings when you said those things." All day after the session (our D2 had a Dr appt) he kept trying to rub my back/ touch me. But I resisted his touches.

I feel like he is trying to bait me back in because he can sense my detachment. I don't want to let my guard down because I don't trust him anymore.

I am thinking about scheduling an appointment with a mediator. I want him to file and list himself as the petitioner. He is still wearing his ring (I took mine off about a week ago), and hasn't moved all of his stuff out yet. But he is not a H or friend to me at all. He is just passive aggressive enough to never file and keep stringing me along for years. I guess I shouldn't have named myself "fighting for it" after all.....