I'm a road ahead of you in being there. It's great that she's telling you this. It means things are very workable.
I don't really know your sitch but it reminds me of mine so I'm going to give you advice as I relate to your sitch.
I've had an on again off again affairs, and all that relationship with my now x. Of course with each separation I learn more and more.
I'm finally seeing the role I play in all of this. I would highly recommend in addition to taking a look at Michelle's books on Divorce busting, that you take also look at 'facing love addiction.'
Reading the symptoms I would suspect that your wife is feeling overwhelmed and suffocated as an avoidant in the relationship. People can begin feeling engulfed in a relationship. In addition on your side you may be feeling extra needy wanting to get your needs met by her. She pulls back and you may come on stronger in the response, this is a difficult time.
For your own sanity you really are going to have to take care of yourself and your own needs, get a life as they say in DB'ing. Build a strong support system around yourself, have fun and take care of yourself. Detach in a healthy manner giving both of you space.
That being said, don't let her make you feel crazy. And don't accept 'bottom line' behavior. If you feel sensitive and that something is up you're probably right. I'm not saying jealousy is good, but listen to your instincts and honor your feelings.
