I know that I have issues with power and control. You know that cliche about the queen bee with everyone running around doing her bidding. yeah that was me in High School.
lol... that IS my W... and including the stuff you wrote below about how you feel loved...
Which might be one of those reasons why I have chosen you to work with...
Also, I can't remember... did you read the 5LLs? If so, what do you THINK is your LL?
Your LL might be accurate and it could be acts of service... but as you indicate... it might be a skewed "meaning" that you place on those acts that you might need to review...
How you mention about receiving acts of service is interesting... humans do often "test" for love... the skew that you may have introduced might come from a feeling of being unworthy of love... so if they give you love once... you don't believe it... so you wait for it to happen again... and you don't believe it... so you wait for it to happen again...
How about just accepting an act of service as an act of love... and leave it at that... don't question it and demand more show of love...
It was a double bind. That's what the above is... he wanted to show his love for you... and then you denied it... he was damned if he didn't... and damned if he did...
Only you can change that dynamic.
It was a hard lesson I learned many, many moons ago... that I COULD accept love... period... no string attached... from either side...
Originally Posted By: Brit45
When I talked to him today I THOUGHT I was asking for clarification but instead I was making doing an old pattern. Here we are 3 days later with a whole lot of emotions and no chair. (I don't even want the effing thing!)
hahahahaa... a test it was, no doubt...
Originally Posted By: Brit45
I've made some new rules Kaffe: 1) Don't tell him your plans for self improvement or GAL 2) Don't look to him for conversation, reassurance, emotional support 3) don't ask for favours 4) if he volunteers say and really mean it. 5) don't tell him about weight loss (that's looking for reassurance) 6) be bright, fun, breezy, attractive, and just let him notice 7) you're standing for your marriage...but you're not fighting for it so no pursuit
Awesome new goals!
Always remember... course correct if and as necessary...
Life is about change, no matter how much we seek or believe in consistency or constancy...
The world will provide us with abundance if we accept that change happens and accept that change... and roll with it... and course correct as necessary...
and including the stuff you wrote below about how you feel loved...
