I know that I have issues with power and control. You know that cliche about the queen bee with everyone running around doing her bidding. yeah that was me in High School.
I know in my personal relationships if you do things for me and make sacrifices I know you love me. I don't believe that. I either know and trust your love or I never will. I have told him that I recogize that all I did was give him more and more hoops to jump through and there would never be a final one that would make me think SEE he does love you now you can calm down. It was my insecurity in not believing that I was loveable.
I feel like this whole thing is one big mess. Because I recognize that I want someone to prove they love me by doing something but not if it's out of pity? Does that make sense? I don't know I'm piecing together now.
I was genuinely shocked when he volunteered after he told me no. I had no right to ask him in the first place. I had looked into moving vans/shipping companies and their quotes were more than I thought the item was worth to me. So maybe me asking was a test....Maybe without realizing it, I'd gotten too comfortable with him doing things for me that day (it was the day of the medical drama) and so I slipped into old patterns and asked him to jump through a hoop.
When I talked to him today I THOUGHT I was asking for clarification but instead I was making doing an old pattern. Here we are 3 days later with a whole lot of emotions and no chair. (I don't even want the effing thing!)
Also I'm realizing this is EXACTLY something his mom would do and I would hate her for it.
I've made some new rules Kaffe: 1) Don't tell him your plans for self improvement or GAL 2) Don't look to him for conversation, reassurance, emotional support 3) don't ask for favours 4) if he volunteers say and really mean it. 5) don't tell him about weight loss (that's looking for reassurance) 6) be bright, fun, breezy, attractive, and just let him notice 7) you're standing for your marriage...but you're not fighting for it so no pursuit
