Not sure where to start, Part 3

[AprilT]

P.S. W&H,
My 25th anniv would have been tomorrow....I am going to gussy up in my best clothes, put on my hooker heels, and together with some great g-friends, we are going to a great Brazilian steakhouse for dinner. I like going there because all the waiters are men, and they make me feel totally like a woman in a non-threatening way!!!

Plus I get all the meat that I want.... just have to turn over my little card:)

Tootles!

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, everyone. I wish I could feel better. This whole thing with the house just has me feeling so down. I am so worried about my kids. I just wish H could see the forest for the trees.

You know and I was feeling good yesterday. Had a great day with the kids. Was relaxed and happy. Then H gets home, gives me a huge hug (which was shocking) and tells me about his mom and I validate and I really start to feel a connection and then he has to drop the bomb about the house being sold. I swear he senses when I am starting to let down my guard and then boom drops the bomb. Builds me up and then tears me down.

I guess it is what it is. I should look on the bright side of things that now I can decorate however and wherever I want. And I don't need H's permission to hang a picture on the wall.

[wishing, hoping]

Realtor was here and gone. H talked to them. I stayed scarce and left D downstairs by H. He even had the nerve to call me on the way home to tell me he was running late and ask me to look up the realtor's cell Phone number on my phone and text it to him. Hello...I am driving home!!! And why can't he look up the number on his phone??? I swear he thinks I am his mother!! No wonder he has no romantic feelings for me! I think He has personified me as his mom!! Does that sound weird or what?

[AprilT]

No....not weird. Typical behavior. Men that behave like this are much like children. They grow to depend on us, and expect us to do for them. He is more than capable of getting the number himself.

[wishing, hoping]

Well then what is he gonna expect once we are divorced and living separately? He's gonna have a tough row to hoe. Maybe that's why he wants to stay friends? Maybe he will see that the grass isn't greener? Maybe?

Had a nice evening. Warmed up leftovers and played catch with D while H played with H. I thought this was the life he always wanted and now he can't seem to get away from it fast enough.

[jks]

I feel like I have really let them down by not saving our marriage.

How are YOU letting them down? You're the one that's trying to save the marriage.

You're doing the best you can and if he's making these decisions that isn't YOUR fault.

Going through the actions and actually doing the work to get the D done can really start to put things into perspective for a WAS. And if he's depending on you for a lot of that, then he's not really doing the work to get it done.

Let him do the work. That's the least he can do IMO.

[wishing, hoping]

Oh trust me I am not helping him in the least!!! He's delusional if he thinks I will assist him in any part of this D.

[BFloat]

lol. there is an info session at S's school tomorrow. i had told H about it last week. he asked me to remind him since he said he will most likely forget.

my H complained that he wanted to be independant.. to be a better parent.. to do all these things himself.. and yet he wants me to remind him like a wife would.

isn't it frustrating how they complain about certain things about us.. nagging.. reminding.. doing everything.. and yet they still want us to continue doing it.

and your post about feeling like you let the kids down.. i feel that way a lot too. even though logically.. i know i shouldn't.

[wishing, hoping]

Took the day off work and chaparoned S's class trip. It was perfect weather and we had a great time. I asked him afterward if he had fun and if I had embarrassed him. He said no I didn't embarrass him because I didnt dance. : )

For the first time in a while I was not thinking of H. It was nice to give my brain a rest.

[wishing, hoping]

Okay guys. Here comes another rant. Hold on to your seats.

I emailed H yesterday to see what time this mandatory parenting is so I can get a sitter. Now note I don't have a long list of sitters. I have 2 or 3 and that's about it. H never tells me what time the class is. So after no call today I call him after S's field trip to have H snap at me "well, I emailed that to you." I explained I was not at work today but was on the field trip with S which I thought he knew. Anyway he tells me the time and of course the class starts before I get off work so I have to make arrangements to leave work early. I tell him the sitters I normally ask can't make those times because they have after school events and my last option works until 5:00 and cannot get to our place until 6:00. He instantly gets mad and tells me I always knew what time these classes were because he showed them to me. I said I am sorry but I don't remember seeing those dates and times. He gets very angry with me and insists I knew about these dates and times. I ask to see the brochure and he shows it to me. No dates, no times. Just generic information. I said I don't see any dates or times. To which he replies, it was on the paperwork I sent in. Okay so it wasnt in the brochure after all. Or is it just me?

So I scramble finding a sitter to watch the kids and juggle someone to take S to soccer and baseball practice. I did mention that since he always knew what time the class was he could have easily taken the initiative to find a sitter. Especially since he is on the board of directors of our daycare and has all that information at his fingertips. To which he had no reply.

I find a sitter and order a pizza and leave for soccer registration for D. It took an hour and when I got home I told H I found a sitter and his reply? Well we didn't both have to go tomorrow. We could go on separate nights. Seriously? Then why all the fuss? I just said that's okay. I have a sitter now. Then he looks at me and says "that was a long registration" and sneers like I did something wrong. I explained that they changed it up this year and I had to wait in line.

I am so tired of everything being my fault. I am so tired of being the bad guy while he acts like the hero/victim and treats me like the perpetrator. He has blamed me for everything wrong with his life. Honestly if we had to sign papers tomorrow I think I would be at the front of the line. Not feeling very DB right now.

Oh, I took his clothes out of the dryer and folded them again just to take the high road and I knocked on the door to his room and he said you can just put those over there. I know no expectations but a thank you would have been nice.

Thanks for letting me rant.