Bklyn Bombshell

[BklynMom]

Thanks for all the Nuts posts I needed to hear that he was the crazy one and not me. H and I exchanged emails this weekend which I see as a small positive since he actually started the dialogue and actually expressed some emotions.

This is his email to me:
listen, this is not meant to be vengeful or hurtful in any way. i am happy now.

i feel the need to say this because i really don't think you are accepting the situation. if i was cold the other day, it wasn't an attempt to be mean, it's because i worry that my trying to be friendly with you was read the wrong way. we need to be able to be on good terms so we can raise the girls. on the phone the other day, you said you need separation, so i was trying to be more business. i have no anger towards you even though i do feel that you treated me really bad in our marriage. i am trying to look to the future and would hope that we can be friendly when we interact. should we not be so casual like we've been? does that make it hard? i thought we were communicating really well, and was surprised the other day when you said it's been painful, i don't want to cause pain. i was hoping to talk in person, this is hard to email, but i want to find out how you'd like our interactions to be.
thanks,

MY RESPONSE:
I have no greater regret then having treated you so badly during our marriage. I pray that you do not have any regrets in your lifetime as painful as mine.

I am truly glad you have found happiness now. It is also makes me happy to know that you are now honestly expressing your true feelings.

I am a little confused when you say that I am not accepting the situation. I live each day as a single mother. I live the reality of our situation each day. From housework, to making dinner, to walking to school, to kissing boo boos to celebrating each one of D3’s & D2 cute little triumphs. I celebrate without a partner. No one will be as excited or as proud of our angels as you and I. Not sharing these everyday moments is something that I deeply miss.

Am I not accepting of how amicable and great being divorced and being friends can be? You have a better shot of convincing me to vote for X then convincing me that being amicably divorced can be honky dory.

I continue to work my Al-anon program and through my recovery I am able to enjoy each blessed day with our beautiful daughters. Al-non-is trying to instill in me that this is not my fault but that may take a while for me to accept. I can let go and let god.

Some people would find that over the last months that I have acted admirably. Many would act worse. You feel a need to write mean things even though I have not said mean things to you. You said I treated you badly. I did make mistakes. So did you.

That the dismise of our marriage, including our friendship & our physical connection as well as the breakup of our family causes me pain is a very normal & understandable reaction. In this area my therapist has helped me understand what my “normal” thought processes are and what are my “crazy” thought processes.

As far as how you should act; you need not worry about me and signals; act the way you want to act - we all want to be genuine.

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Not to pat myself on the back too much but I loved!! my response. I thought it was the perfect amount of validation but not getting stepped on. H has not responded to my email but I will see him tomorrow. Anyway of course I always try not raise my expectations but I really did like my letter and my imagination did run away with a beautiful R scenerio.

Also a big step for me this weekend was I told my neighbors that I was separated. I hate saying it out loud, so I actually texted it to her after we hung out. I said in the text I didnt want to talk about it in front of the kids but its not a secret. Another pat on the back for me.

I still believe.