sounds very similar to my sitch. My W told me that she knows I love her but feels that I don't like her...and that isn't fair to her. She's right...but so wrong. I, too, have had trouble nurturing that emotional connection with my W. She says that I am not affectionate enough for her, that i don't cuddle enough or hold her enough. I do get her point...I guess I'm not just wired that way completely.
I have read a book and have found myself on this path with IC...it's a book titled "Hold me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson. It focuses on the affection theory and emotionally focused therapy. It "trains" you how to realize that deep emotional bond that everyone needs...and how to nurture that bond. I wish I would have found this book years ago...I just know my marriage would be so much different and happier. But at least I have found it as well as this site and its resources...even though my M is probably over...FOR NOW ...it will still make me a better person. Either for my W, if our paths cross again and she can forgive and focus her growth from within...or at least another possible R. At this point in time, I have no plans for another R...I only want my W...and I need to concentrate on me now anyway.
My 180 is to stay positive, strong, supportive and be a good friend. Some day in the future if I continue to expect nothing and improve my world...she will see me ina different light and think of me as her "Prince Charming" again...and, heck, if not then I'm still a better me.
Me:44, W: 39 D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs) M:17, T:21+ Bomb:3/18/12 W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12 Separate since bomb Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12 No talk of D since mediation
...it will still make me a better person. Either for my W, if our paths cross again and she can forgive and focus her growth from within...or at least another possible R. At this point in time, I have no plans for another R...I only want my W...and I need to concentrate on me now anyway. 