After minimal contact over the past three weeks (minus a few text messages about our separation), my W and I agreed to get together this afternoon to discuss where we are in this separation. I stopped by my wife's condo (to which she has made some major renovations in the past month). When noticing the renovations, I remarked that either this would be ideal for putting on the market, or would make a wonderful long-term home for her. She said nothing. And the silence spoke volumes.
Turns out my wife has seen a new counselor on a bi-weekly basis. After two sessions, the counselor told her she needed to come in weekly. The C thought she had major "angst" issues. Major relationship issues. Her mother had asked her "why can't you just drop the emotional wall you've put up between you and your H?"
I have tried to accept and validate her feelings, point out that marriages are challenging and those that make it make a choice to make it work. I pointed out the goals I have for myself. Then I told her my intent was to move forward, happy. I certainly want her along for the ride. She apologized again and again...and again. I told her good luck, we'll see where this goes. And I took off. I feel like I stood my ground while still offering the opportunity to come along for the ride.
Right now, I just don't see how this goes forward. I am so incredibly sad over this. I am trying my best to keep faith alive but this rejection from my wife is just so saddening to me. I keep going back and playing out moments in my mind - moments where I could've done something different. Said something different. Acted in different ways. I think about what happens if we do go forward. Could I trust her again? (When we dated 9 years ago, she left me for another man and we were apart for roughly 18 months before getting back together, eventually marrying). So I feel this is her walking out on me a second time.
I have some major decisions to make over the next couple months, including where to live (which would be in a town two hours away from my W). I have spoken with my family and several trusted friends. While they are telling me they will support me whatever happens, it's clear to me they feel I need to move on once and for all. This S has absolutely stripped away a lot of dignity. That's NOT to minimize the other S's here. There was no affair (that I am aware of). There are no kids involved. I read some of the other posts here and I am incredibly sad for the folks writing.
Personally, I am incredibly sad. I held up together emotionally during our 90-minute get-together. But once in the car, I cried. This feels like a death. When I think of my W crying, looking up at me saying "is this it?," I want to cry. But she had every opportunity to say "yes, I want to work on this with you. I value our M and I want to give this a chance." She wanted to have this meeting about our R and this is where it went. I'm a believer in M and I did not do this to get divorces, but at this point, I'm trying to be as pragmatic as possible. I am just not seeing a good way forward.
The only plan I have as of right now is to go completely dark. I have said enough. Probably too much. She knows where I stand on the idea of M, but she also heard me say that I must live my life and I intend to do it a happy man.
Recently, I saw a great post on here about what it means to do 180s for nobody other than yourself. I found it so inspirational but I completely lost track of where it lives. If anyone has a link to this post, please post it. I need inspiration to move on alone. I have no idea where this goes but I'm being logical and I just don't see my M working out. Thank you for reading to this point and for any words of wisdom.
