Yucky weather so I never went to the golf course to see who was competing, but look at the sun come out NOW! Looks like a beautiful evening....
Made it out to Chataqua for a lovely hike (although gloomy). Hope you had a fabulous Mother's Day!
Keep me posted on POF. I spent a bit of time with the guy from there and we had a nice time. He treats me like I've never been treated in my entire life. Even with that said, my heart still doesn't feel as if it will open up again. Even after the divorce being final for two years, I'm struggling. Right now if the guy never called me again I would be totally fine with that. Hmm....what does that say? Sigh...will I ever be ready/willing to love again??
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I wonder why you feel that way? I really want to jump right in and find someone new, totally different to spend time with. I don't know, maybe I don't enjoy myself alone.
Wasn't the weather miserable? I really didn't mind too much, as I needed to get some stuff done indoors and I like doing them more when the weather forces me to stay inside. But having the heat on in May just seems "not right".
Glad you got a hike in! The girls and I went to see The Avengers (which was great). When we walked in the theater, it was yucky. When we walked out 3 hours later, it was beautiful. Go figure? But yes, it was a nice day all in all.
I checked out POF but didn't do anything. With my D18 graduating next week and a butt load of family arriving next weekend, the timing isn't right.
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Right now if the guy never called me again I would be totally fine with that. Hmm....what does that say?
Well.... I'd say that you and I are both at a stage in life where we are completely fine with being on our own. I don't see this as a bad thing, Lynn. Maybe if you employ behaviors that are beacons for the banner that says "Go Away" you might want to ponder that a bit. (Please note that I'm not at all criticizing if you do... as one who has worn that banner consistently for years now.)
Maybe you've grown up? Maybe you realize subconsciously that this great guy is gravy on your mashed potatoes that you really enjoy but don't need? I'd say that was healthy. Everyone wants to be wanted but not needed... And just maybe you and I were both the types of people before who didn't get that? In my younger days, I had to be needed as well as wanted, because that was a hook to keep them with me. (Yuck!!! This grosses me out to read this now...)
Feel free to weigh in here... your musings help me in my own...
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I read some of your other stuff and now that I have a handle on a little bit of it, I'll comment at your place.
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I really want to jump right in and find someone new, totally different to spend time with.
Considering your circumstances, I understand why you feel that way. That's good.
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I don't know, maybe I don't enjoy myself alone.
That's a pretty loaded statement. I recommend doing some soul searching to see if 1) that IS true; and 2) if so, why? In the past, have you been a relationship jumper?
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I am really enjoying our conversation and you are helping me out so much!!
Yes, I don't need a man and, I'm not even sure I want one in my life. When I sit and breathe deeply I see myself traveling the world and spending time in different schools enjoying children. I see singing and dancing and playing...that's what I see.
Wow, maybe I have grown up? I enjoy men and all that comes with them, but I just don't know where they fit into the puzzle of my life? I really, really like this stage of life. I know who I am and where I'm headed and I'm excited. Would a man interrupt my new life? Thanks for commenting over on my other thread. I don't know about trust issues, but I'm willing to consider that could be a definite possibility...I opened my heart and bared my soul for 20 years to get kicked to the curb. Do I want to risk that again???
Thanks for the insights; hope you had a great Monday!
Lynn
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Of course, love is a wonderful feeling. You still try to find it or let it come to you either way you don't shut it out. Humans were made to be together and not alone. God made man and women.
SD, thanks for popping in. D18 graduated last Wednesday and we had a whirlwind of activity and family here from across the globe. It was very busy, and on top of that, work has been extremely stressful lately. I'm now able to kind of take a deep breath before proceeding.
That being said, I have done no self work for the past few weeks. It's been survival mode. Instead of reading on my kindle, I've been playing word games. It hasn't been terribly productive, but it's helped alleviate some of the stress. I guess it beats chewing my hair or nails?
Lynn, I've been mulling over this for the past few weeks:
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I enjoy men and all that comes with them, but I just don't know where they fit into the puzzle of my life? I really, really like this stage of life. I know who I am and where I'm headed and I'm excited. Would a man interrupt my new life?
I don't think I could have said this better. Thank you for articulating!
And the final fear based statement?:
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I opened my heart and bared my soul for 20 years to get kicked to the curb. Do I want to risk that again???
Oh yes. This one resonates with me as well. (And yes, these ARE trust issues!)
Although there was no OW in our split, I eventually got traded in for a younger model (she's 35). My D18 tells me I'm better looking and have aged better in general, though. Still...
I have to climb back in the wagon and get working on some of my baggage. I am still in the middle of transition with D15, who has her first shadow day at the high school today. Her sitter's last day is next week (along with last day of middle school), and also beginning a new respite care situation next Wednesday. XH is, of course, out of town right now. I'll get to manage her stress through this, though he will be back in the saddle next week to help. So I don't expect the next few weeks to be smooth, seamless or easy. 'Cause history with her proves it won't. So I'd best not delude myself that this is just another week in her life.
My folks left behind a lot of wine when they departed. I think I'm going to need it...
Now, back to our regularly scheduled programs, already in progress!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey Bets, and Ellie, nice to see old familiar faces around these parts.
I couldn't even tell you how long it's been since I been around here, but today I signed my divorce papers, and somehow found myself back here, and almost immediately seeing your posts Bets, it was almost like it was meant to be.
I think I might start my own thread, not quite sure yet, don't really know what to say. My life could be yours, except I have only one kid, and you have two.
Anyway, thought I would just post to let you know how awesome it was that it almost felt like "home" reading what you were writing. You all were such a guiding light when I was here when I thought my world was ending.
Don't so much feel like that now, however it's a new chapter, and I think I need some commiseration.
Betsey