Man this is a very cathartic experience. It's over, I accept it, and I'm not crying. Maybe something will change, maybe it won't. I'm living life for me and to make me happy, she's missing out and that's her choice. If the tides turn I'll have to think long and hard if she deserves another chance with my heart. I'm going to exhibit PATIENCE as that has been a very difficult thing for me to do during this ordeal. I am normally a very patient person but this HAS been so gut wrenching it has been hard to be patient. I finally realize that I have no control over this, it doesn't matter how nice I am or what I do it's not going to affect her train of thought, she is the only one who has the ability to figure anything out. If it's meant to be then our paths will cross again, if it's not then so be it, I will wish her the best and know I'm going to be happy.
NEVER GIVE UP DB'S!!! Man I have not quoted myself before but this has to be my mantra going forward. I said this 48 hours ago and now it seems she is making the first small steps into putting some interest back into me. My anxiety is through the roof, I have a ridiculous week at work this week. I can't take meds I got some when I was freaking out last time and they sent me off the deep end to loopy land.
I am excited but so freaking scared I am going to do something stupid to $*@& this up. She hasn't texted back nor called. I'm just going dark and will see what she comes up with next. She did end up listening to the song I suggested and other "forgive me/take me back" titles like I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. I know this is mind reading but as she somewhat alluded to "dating" someone (e.g. I wouldn't say that but I think alot of ppl listen to some country. **I think she was trying to bait me into getting ticked off***) why would she continually listening to all this "take me back" music? I KNOW I NEED TO STOP THIS BUT I CAN"T HELP IT. I did a 180 by not changing the password to my music service so she could keep using it, so I can see everything she listens too and SHE KNOWS I CAN SEE IT AND SHE KEEPS LISTENING TO ALL THE I MESSED UP/TAKE ME BACK MUSIC.
AAARGH I'm freaking out and mind reading out the WAZOO!!! I need 2pm tomorrow to come quick and need to CALM DOWN and hope that Cheryl will take me away!!!
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
