Wife wants out

[totallydevoted]

W sent me an email saying thank you for breakfast and for giving her a nice mother's day.

However, I did a bad thing (big DB no-no)...I mailed her a letter taking responsibilty for my part in all this...about 2 days ago. She got it yesterday. It was a letter that I felt in my heart I had to send (really almost a 180)...one last chance before the mediation just so she knows how I feel. Laying out what I undertsand to be her needs and desires...and how I would be able to address those needs and what our lives could be like if we fought for us. In her email she said that the letter was "very sweet" but reiterated that she is not interested in getting back together and wants me to give up all hope for our R.

I expected this (although hoping for a different response) and I am okay...mainly because these last two months I have been focusing on me and not expecting anything...detaching as much as I can and trying to just be a friend to her and a loving father to my children. She needs to move on and I am coming to grips with this more and more each day. I wrote earlier in this thread that I still do have that gut feeling that some day our paths will cross again...and we'll both be in a better state to be able to consider lives together again, I truly believe this. I stated that this D just may save our R in the long run. She has to be able to experience life on her own...I hope she does anyway and focuses on herself. I will never give up on that feeling but I will not allow it to inhibit my growth either.

I will always love her...she will always be my first true love. This hurts bad but, again, I am okay.

This was my response to her:

"I understand sweetheart...like I said, I couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't send it. Please know though that it was truly from the heart...and just know that I will always love and adore you...and I hope some day you get everything you want out of life. I'm so sorry I wasn't the one to be able to give it to you.

I mean it when I say that I will always be here for you...and that you will always have a friend in me. I am glad you are having a good mother's day...you most certainly deserve it.

Love always,"

Who knows...even though this was probably the exact opposite of what I should have done...it just may have planted a tiny seed. So, when that possible day does come and our lives cross paths again, she just may find that letter, re-read it and think of me and how special our R was. And then just maybe, pick up the phone to see what/how I'm doing and ask me out to lunch or something. Hey, it could happen...