Well, went to church and when I arrived she wasn't there. I took my usual seat and just before the service began she showed up and sat down right next to me. It was the first time we had communicated since the phone call on my way to work on Friday.
I'm sure I'll probably get a smack in the mouth from the board on this, but I DID give her a Mother's Day card. I wrote a nice note to her from the perspective of our son and then a quick blurb from me (nothing romantic in the least). We both enjoyed the message and then went to the nursery to pick up our S. I hadn't seen him since Tuesday. He saw me peek in and ran right at me with his arms out saying "daddy! daddy! daddy! daddy!" - I scooped him up - that totally made my day. W asked me to walk with him while she went to the chapel to say her prayers - so we spent a little bit of time together in the courtyard (he loves to put his hands in the fountains). W came back, we walked to her car - I strapped s in and said good-bye. W said thank you for the card and making Mother's Day special. We exchange a quick, non-romantic hug and that was it.
Maybe that violates going "gray" but I woke up this morning with a mindset of "eff it". I know this won't change anything, it won't stop the divorce - nothing will. But for one reason or another my heart felt compelled to get up, get her that card and go to church. GM - you mentioned to stop with the rules and tactics and just live - well, that is what I decided to do this morning.
I also had a quick inspiring moment with the spouse of a co-worker last night who knows my situation. He, too, is a new father. He just patted me on the back and said "do the right things and things will be alright". Simple, some may call it cliche, but it that moment - coming from him it actually seemed to mean something. Despite her saying we shouldn't communicate until after the proceedings are over, the card (and I've decided to give her the plate we made for her last weekend) seemed and felt like the right thing to do - regardless if it gets me one step closer to saving my marriage.
I am a different man, and I am going to do my best to live the changes that I needed to make at all times. W or not.
