April 12th we had a really good R talk in which I had said that in the past month I'd felt lied to because he'd said that perhaps we could get to a place where we could go on dates but then he continued a relationship with someone and those two things don't go together. He said then that timing s*cks. (I'm learning DB doesn't like that word) That it's all timing and I had said look 10 years from now we don't want to have dinner and say oh we had a good thing but we let it slip away because of timing. He said everything is timing isn't it and then he proceeded to say basically that he didn't trust himself not to lose himself in the relationship if we got back together due to my strong personality.
He's even joked pre GF that he was going to find the dumbest most gullible woman who will just smile and make him dinner. Because I'm confident, smart, with an attitude. Everything he was attracted to previously. We laughed about that. When he met GF he told me "it's all a bit too easy" "she just can't believe she got someone so good looking" he can't believe "all this works" because he's "doing all the same old bs and it's so easy" It was never like that between us. He said I scared him silly, I kept him on his toes. He thought I dumping him the night we ML. He was just trying to keep up and impress me. We used to have a joke that he would spill something on every date in the beginning because I made him so nervous. So I'm a big scary woman who broke his heart and now he doesn't want to come back.
Anyway this most recent time was Thursday. I told him just so you know I still feel that way. and he said our romantic relationship is over. I don't want to lead you on. If something changes in the future great, but right now he just wants to be my friend.
Also things he said on the 12th....he thinks about the last time we ML a lot. He will always love me, always want to get in my pants. (this was way out of character because he was never the aggressor previously) It would be a shame if this was all there was because we had a great story.
So my mantra is to give him this time to become confident and strong in who he is. Regain his self esteem that he lost through various life circumstances. (we were in a natural disaster and lost everything we owned. We moved he was forced to take a job he hated while I went back to university and landed my dream job) And maybe once he becomes that person again he will want to share himself with me. All I can do is support his choices, not pressure him with pursuit or expectations and keep that road paved clean.
