I have had no contact with H since he sent me that very long witty text on Friday after a conversation with a coworker made me think of him. I replied with two lines and that was that no reply from him.
I will update him on Tuesday after the doc appt. just the same as I will update friends of mine who are worried/interested/concerned.
Today I decided to put a picture of us back up. I'd taken down all the pics including ones of family holidays because it was too hard to look at. I also put back up a photo board of a family holiday that also includes pictures of my son. I'm not trying to make anything happen with this. I like those pictures...they got put back up. Do I worry if he comes over he'll feel cagey seeing them? A teeny bit but I'll worry about that the next time I know he's coming by.
I remembered something today and thought it was interesting. I can't remember when but post GF he told me his mom said she'd tried to talk his dad into going to counselling. I just said how's that come up and he said oh I told her that you'd wanted me to go. That was as far as it went. At the time I was just thinking that was all about his parents. But now I'm thinking if it differently. He loves values respects his mom. He hated the way his dad treated his mom. I am a lot like his mom. His mom and dad are now both married to other people. He hates his step mom. His step mom is 180 degrees away from his mom (hmm a lot like this GF) anyway he once told me that he thought we were "too smart" for counselling. I'm now thinking that his mom saying that could have him thinking of MC in another light.
I have no expectations and maybe this convo will change his mind in MC but with me! Haha but I am realising that he was probably saying more than he thought in that statement.
I know how I felt when I had blinders. And I'm using that to have empathy for him. Also I know that everyone in his life is probably really excited that he has someone. (who is young and successful vom) and he's feeding off that to help him heal. And when you're doing that you can't/don't want to stop that feeling to look back because all you associate with the past is sadness and hurt. And knowing the other person has feelings for you leaves you with guilt and so any time you might feel something it's all conflicted with guilt. And because no one likes to feel guilt you block it even more. You only stop feeling guilt when you know everyone's okay!
He does know how I feel that I still care for him. But I am not being desperate needy or sad. Those days are well behind me.
One massive positive is that when we spilt I was convinced it was a never get back together do just pack up and move on. He hasn't said that. He's said timing [censored], maybe we can get to a place where we can go on dates, if in the future the spark is there, and most recently if something changes in the future then great. So for him it's not as off the table as it was for me.
