Well you can't control how she perceives the gift to the kids. And if you attempt to make sure she sees it one way it just screams that it's pursuing so leave it alone and continue doing what you're doing.
I would continue to do some soul searching on why you're seeking out female company or and if you need it. It's something I've had to do as well. As much as I enjoy being in the company of someone who finds me interesting and attractive it's only going to confuse the situation.
I thought you gave a really interesting story about the last time you recognised an anniversary. It spiralled...it started with a positive response from her and ended in you analyse song lyrics. In everything you have to look at it from how it affected you....you got the fix of a positive response so you continued and got another positive response but then it consumed you till you were at work looking at her FB wondering what she could be thinking. We've all been there. All we want is that tiniest positive reassurance and then we think we can detach loads more. CADET suggest a book to me called Solo Partner. There's a link to a thread from CADET about the dance of detachment that you might find interesting.
It sounds like you have a great life with a lot of good things going on! weekends away and time at your club. Don't downplay that! My IC made me list everything that was going right in my life to make me realize that although my M breaking down was MASSIVE in my mind it was only one aspect of my life.
Continue to focus on you. I think you have made some good changes now stick with them. In those 37 rules there's one about how your consistent actions will be taken more seriously than anything you can say.
