IB - don't know if this helps. I have been following what you have written, and have experienced [now in the past thankfully!] similar pain.
Acceptance is when we sotp asking ourselves 'why me' and it comes with time, truly.
Last week I woke on the morning of my birthday in the comfortable guest bed of my eldest son and his wife. She came in to kiss me and wish me happy birthday, and I remember thinking how blessed I was, how much I didn't want my xh back(!) and went on to have one of the best birthdays of my life, thanks to my great kids plus a ton of messages and cards from friends.
Sad to say it has taken 6 birthdays to get to this point. But I am there. no regrets, just a feeling of general relief that I am finally OK. I am not with someone else, so this is truly all about me being OK alone. [Not knocking new relationships, just assuring you that this isn't because I have met someone and am wearing rose tinted glasses].
IB I really loved my xh and thought we would grow old together. It about broke my heart, and yet it has healed. I sometimes feel sad, and sometimes, still, a bit angry at the waste. I used to tihnk 'why me' but now I don't. It happened, it was wrong, it 'shouldn't' have happened, and it wasn't our fault. They were, and remain, broken and we can't fix them.
These moments when it is just you, when it would have been the two of you - yes, tough, but now i simply relish them. I had my whole family, and the space where my xh used to be has now closed over, and the gap is just about gone. You are currently gong through one of the toughest times - healing without your xh. Shock over, and you are dealing with the new reality. It takes a lot of getting used to, but we do become used to it, first off, and then move on to enjoy the fruits of our hard work with ourselves, our children and our friends, who think we are awesome.
