Had kids all day today...had a really good time. It really helps to have them around. Saw W today when I picked them up...GOD, she looks great. I have to fight every urge to not hold her...she does allow me to touch her arm or run her shoulder when I say hello and goodbye which is a bit of a 180 for me...touching her, she says I never did that enough. she seems to accept it...and maybe even like it a bit. I also never fail to compliment her on her looks when I see her...not like a lost puppy but just kind of in passing...hey, you really good...or you look pretty today. I was giddy and very upbeat when I saw her and we had a real good talk...not about R, just chatting. She laid down on the couch when we were talking and I almost felt like she wanted me to lay down with her. But, I kept it short and cordial...REALLY tough.

I bought some flowers for mother's day...not expecting anything because she is a great mother. She really appreciated them and had them displayed, with card and all in the family room. I felt like she really appreciated it...and she even agreed to let me take the whole family out to breakfast tomorrow.

My kids and I went to the downtown market with arts and crafts this morning where we picked her out a nice, unique hand-made necklace...I'll give it to her at breakfast and say it's from all of us.

Although...mediation is still on Thursday and I noticed she had it circled on her calendar at home...like she's looking forward to it. frown But, again, I'm ready for the worst so I can remain calm...and show her that I do support her decision but still won't allow her to ruin my life...because I'm on a good path now. Working on me...being a better person for my kids and "showing" her that I am Getting A Life. crazy

Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation