I agree, ottocat. I re-read snodderly's post re why they run. It describes my H perfectly. Thanks again, snodderly for providing that link to me a few weeks ago. Understanding what is likely going on takes some of the sting out. I realize the part of this that is the most hurtful is the thoughts I have of my H with other women. Of course, it's all in my imagination since I've not seen anyone that he is dating and I have no idea how they spend their time together. I'm really trying hard to control these thoughts. Any suggestions besides keep busy?
Snodderly, I've been going through your old posts looking for your email address. I haven't found it yet, but I've been caught up in reading other's stories. There have actually been a fair amount of reconciliations, but they took several to many years to happen. At least they did happen, so that's somewhat encouraging. Those that were successful had a tremendous amount of courage and resolve when dealing with their WS from opening the cage door to being a good listener and friend. I'm not quite there yet. I need to continue with detaching before I can consider being a friend. However, I can say there have been a few times when my H has opened up and we did talk like two old friends. One conversation was about something that happened to him as a teenager and the other was when we were discussing our respectives jobs. I realize that unless I have absolute control over my emotions and can keep the conversation off of us then I absolutely can't talk to him. I'm not a good actress so I can't fake being happy. In time, with total detachment, I'll be able to do that and we might be able to establish a new connection. Reading old threads and following the history of other situations will help guide me when I'm ready.
