Any chance to make it work? I need advice

[sweetbabyred]

--journaling

Yesterday H called and asked me to come over. He made the initiative, so I didn't want to turn him away. I found out that he did go to the doctor and ended up getting a rx for Xanax. His doctor knows that he really doesn't like to take medication and thought that maybe antidepressants would be too strong, so he wanted him to start off with anti anxiety pills. Hopefully that will help him out.

He asked me at one point to tell him why I loved him and still believed in him. I've never been good at verbally expressing myself and my feelings, but as a 180, I'm trying to be better. I listed many reasons, but one was that he always had stories to tell me, especially when we first were dating long-distance. We'd spend hours on the phone and I felt that I knew all about him growing up.

After a few minutes of this, he mentioned that OW thought he was too sensitive and she didn't like his storytelling. That's who he is, so I don't understand why he'd put up with that. At one point, he told me that the reason he liked her was because she thought he was cute and she liked kids. But she doesn't like anything about him personally!

H also said that his best friend told him, that other than me, every woman he's dated had issues, and he thinks he has "broken bird" syndrome where he just finds hurt, broken people and tries to help them. H also said that he's realized that maybe he is actually falling apart, so I'm glad that he saw his doctor. I think he's also supposed to start counseling next week.

He also said that his friend thinks he should be by himself for awhile and not date anyone, including me. I told him that I was fine with that, because I'd been working on myself for the past year and he needed to be able to do that too, without trying to find love. And maybe this time by himself, without trying to date, will make him hold off on the divorce proceedings.

He is being more open and is telling me more about what's been going on. Some of it is hard to hear, but I want to know what's going on inside his head, even if he doesn't completely understand it right now. I told him that I wasn't trying to win him back right now, but that I truly believe in him and hope that one day he'll believe in himself again.

I know that he also got the forms to be able to file for D. I'm just hoping he keeps busy and doesn't have time to fill them out for awhile. I know that we could still get back together after D, but could I ever completely trust and/or remarry a person who completely went against his vow? I'm not sure about that.