What if?

[AntoniaB]

I don't know if it helps or not, but generally when I get in a "why me" or "what did I do to deserve this" mode I tend to self-talk and say "there is something (or many things) in your life that was not going to happen unless your XH chose to end the marriage."

Like, something more important than the marriage. I know that sounds crazy--a lot of us I'm sure figured that our marriages were the most important thing we could ever be involved with--but I no longer think that. There are things that would never have occurred had we not been betrayed. Focus on what is coming or has come as a result of your being without him that is good or beneficial to other people and you instead of the sense of loss.