Thank you so much, SA. You're right. My H is a runner. He's also CA and PA. Because of that he has been storing frustration for things he felt he didn't have a say in (including the color of the carpet we put in five years ago!). He has blasted me with all of it, of course, forgetting all of the good things including his statement to me that "our marriage is perfect except for the finances." He said this in the six months before he left. I want to believe that in time he will stop hiding behind the ridiculous criticisms of me, reflect on himself and start remembering what was good. In the meantime, I'm reflecting now. Yes, there are things that I really love about my H, but there are other things that I don't. Can I live with the other things if we were to reconcile? I don't know. I feel like I'm doing a mental and emotional detox.
Regarding yesterday, I'm so glad that during my fit I posted here. In the past I have called my H and let him know that I thought he was wrong which turned into a R talk which ended with me feeling hurt. It took a lot of contol, but I'm so glad that I didn't contact him. I'm feeling better today and somewhat victorious.
I haven't heard anymore about the house refi, so maybe my H is annoyed at my response. Who knows. I'm starting to wonder if he has been so obsessed about the house because it's his only real reason to contact me. We don't communicate regarding the kids because there hasn't been much reason to. He has agreed that I will have 100% physical custody and he will have "reasonable" visitation. That's a fluid situation.
Regarding the D, my attorney hasn't heard from his regarding the next step which is providing income/debt statements. If my H wants this D to move along then he will have to push for it.
