It sounds as if you were raised to be co-dependent. You may have chosen your XH because it was more of the same and it was familiar.
BD seems to make the LBS evaluate, grow and change because the way we were didn't work out too well for many of us. It happens to us much faster than it does for the MLCer. We are light years ahead of them as far as our growth. That is why when we are able to step back from the initial pain of BD our rose colored glasses start to fade and we can be honest with our selves.
I've seen tremendous growth in you and when you finally start to trust it, your actions will speak louder than your words. You will go ahead and act on your decisions without discussing them first and if something doesn't work out, you'll own it without excuses.
