If you don't have any resentment over the gifts or the other people then good. Moving forward don't buy any gifts if you expect anything from them. A wise person once said don't loan money to friends give gifts. My mom always said if you can't do a favour happily don't do it. Having anyone do anything for me when it comes with expectations makes me run a mile. Even if it's thank you.
To that end no gifts for your anniversary. Would you send your first wife a gift on your anniversary? no. Why? because you're not trying to get her back. So yes, giving gifts on your anniversary is pursuing in my book.
okay tough love:
Quote:
My history of jumping from woman to woman precedes itself. The difference being in this last instance I had no intent of it happening, it just happened.
you're rationalizing to yourself that you're still repeating a pattern. Do you want to break a pattern or not? It's your choice really. You know that jumping from woman to woman hasn't gotten you closer to your goal of personal happiness and stable relationships in the past so will you choose to do something different now? or continue to as my mom would say go round that mountain one more time?
Quote:
There is one thing that you can't provide on your own however (actually you can but not quite the same lol) and that is an enjoyable sex life. I would not be GAL otherwise so that is largely why I'm in the situation that I'm in. I'm not a sex addict by any means, but I could not fathom the thought of going a month much less a year without sex, perhaps that's just me.
2 things stuck out here to me: GAL is for you having a sex life. Oh dear, I don't think that's the point at all sweetie. Trust me I get it and it's typical. You've been trapped in this bad R and nothing's better than getting attention from someone new, good looking, with none of the baggage, who makes you feel desired and amazing between the sheets. None of that helps you to your final goal of personal happiness and being in a stable relationship. GAL should be about you making you feel desired and amazing because you're getting out of your comfort zone, doing things you've wanted to do, getting in touch with yourself, learning about why you do things, and learning from your mistakes, deciding who you want to be in a R whether that's with W or someone one.
Second: the thought of going a year or a month is not a possibility for you. okay so how much do you want this? I imagine if someone could look into a crystal ball and tell you if for the next year you had to live on cheese/crackers/water with no sex but after that year you had the most amazing partner for life. She was everything you'd dreamed of and you were happy, confident, content, and loved I bet you'd take that deal. If you read other threads you'll find a common theme PATIENCE. You'll also see people say that this time is your time use it for you. Think for awhile about what you're willing sacrifice a month, 6 months, a year. NOT FOR HER but FOR YOU!
I realized I had control issues. I want to know what the outcome will be and if I can't control it, I might do something to force it. (a bit like you thinking you will go ahead and file in August) Although it might make the uncertainty go away it wouldn't make me happy.
Finally one last thing. Facebook. Ye gads, I think FB is the devil. haha. I can't tell you how happy I have been since I hid H from my timeline, and deleted the app from my phone. I only log on once a day and limit my commenting and liking to 5 mins. You must stop SNOOPING. Yes it is snooping if you're checking to see what she's posted, what she's listened to (analysing those song lyrics) STOP. It will be hard and it will be uncomfortable but it will be easier.
Everyone can give you advice and you can read all the books but it all comes down to you, what changes are you willing to make to make you can find personal happiness and have a great R.
