Hi Broken, I had a read after you visited my thread. Thank you for your words! You asked if puttin money into the kids savings accounts was pursuing.....only you can answer that. Are you doing this so your wife will think of you differently? Does she even know or is this between you and the kids? Reading over your sitch you have a history of doing lavish things such as getting her out of bankruptcy buying her a house a luxury car (you even point out the model) and the seem a bit resentful that you did it. Don't give a gift if there are strings attached. Even if you take this in the future honestly don't buy a woman anything if it will upset you if it's not treated how you feel it should be. You said you didn't connect with he kids...are you spending time with them or throwing money at it and calling it unconditional love?
The main thing about you sitch that jumped out to me is you have't had a rest! You met W the same month your previous divorce was final, didn't stop seeing someone else until you got engaged and a little over a year later there was a 3rd party involved. Now you're seeing someone while wondering if she'll come back. This might sound controversial but if you were my friend or brother thus is what I'd say how about taking say a year and not dating. Just focus on yourself. You can't look to other people to make you happy. And it's not fair to this girl or any other girl you meet if in the back of your head you're thinking well if W changes her mind.... My IC told me we give off subliminal signals and attract people similar to where we are emotionally so if you're hurting insecure angry bitter that's who you're going to attract. Work on yourself. Don't buy anyone's affection. Be okay with being on your own. Enjoy your own company. Before you ad anyone else. Don't think 4 steps ahead. You might not like my advice...It's a bit tough love but you asked! The best thing for you is working on you!