Honestly, in the past I have had to battle myself with wanting to just want to bail out - leave, go back to my profession, even just leave D behind with him.
There is so much I can do by myself. Pick up from where I left off in my career and profession.
I was doing so well when I married H.... I married late, at the age of 36, because I was so busy with my career of being an MD ...I was already the chairperson of a hospital department I built up by myself, well on my way up to being a very successful surgeon in my country. I was actually H's mentor, as he was a resident in training when we met, and I was an attending physician. I gave it all up to join him here in the US and stayed on here for the family's sake. I am doing well in my job here but its not the same as practicing my profession. many times I look back and wish for the prestige, the respect I had, of being my own boss, not having to work for others.
I think its that sense of having given up so much in my life, especially since not too many women had reached my level of success at an early age, that makes me act the way I do. Also, since I have been succesful at attaining most of my career goals, I perhaps cannot accept that I may fail at this, the most important achievement of my life.
One thing though I have learned is that waht works for me in my career does not necessarily work for my M.
Anyways, all of this are just musings for now.
In reality, we have been doing quite well for the past few days. H has been really nice to me, friendly, and I think he knows that finally, my expectations of him and of the relationship is down to 0, and it has relieved him of his burden. Perhaps that means we can start over again? He is being so nice that I am almost afraid to speak with him....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
