thank you verab754! I ordered DR and still haven't read it so happy to know I'm already a step ahead!
I saw RoughSeas post in my thread and it made me want to comment about something.
Quote:
She seems to have thought she could have the best of both worlds... continue to rely on me selectively for her emotional needs, lean on me financially and as "co-parent" while she goes out and seeks my 'replacement'.
Some people have said that my thread is unique because some H's who were LBS's will want to get inside my head as a WAW. I just wanted to say that I never thought I could have "the best of both worlds" It seems like a lot of the anger that LBS's have at the fact their relationship ends doesn't include in them looking at it from the other's prespective. And although WAW don't look at it really from your's either the difference is they aren't looking at you at all. They are focusing so hard on NOT looking at you or the relationship, drawing a line on it, shutting a door, moving forward because if they stop for a second to look the guilt and sadness might make them change their mind. And it was really tough to get to the point to say those words.
So yes we GAL super quick and then possibly look at things a little bit later.
However I don't think (I can't speak for everyone) that anyone maliciously thinks I'm going to have the time of my life and use him to do it!!
I wasn't referring to your situation specifically, or that of WASs generally, but my own particular story. My reality is that my WAW spent a lot of money on psychic counselling (i.e., chat lines) asking about how she could arrange her finances, her own work permit, etc. while having 'flings' in a way I wouldn't find out about, so when the time came she could just jump to her new life instantly. She was going to spring everything on me at once (and planned to take my son with her).
She was conspiring to consciously take advantage of me and my hope that things could be turned around between us. (I was in personal counselling at this point and speaking with a DB coach to see what I could do to make our marriage work better. She knew this and was stringing me along while she plotted her exit).
I know it's adolescent fantasy on her part... part of an illness. Still hurts, though. Finding out undermined the trust even more.
