Every time you do any of those things, you push him firmly into OWs arms, and, especially by involving his parents, you make it much harder for him to end that R if he ever wants to. Your actions are painting him into a corner. Change your behavior.
Oldtimer, could you elaborate more on this?? Mostly the part about making it hard for him to end his R with OW if he ever wants to...
Really? I would have thought it obvious. Your M isn't working for H. He is giving up a lot and going through a lot of pain to try to find a life that works better for him.
His GF could have been in his mind a FWB, a passing fling, someone who is there at a difficult time, whatever.
But, you keep forcing him into a corner in which he swallows YOUR answer: he is doing everything he is doing BECAUSE OF HER, SHE MAKES IT ALL WORTH IT IN HIS MIND, HE THINKS SHE'S HIS SOULMATE, blah blah blah blah blah.
Everytime you force him to affirm that to you, to himself, and now to his parents publicly with you as a witness, geez, you make him MUCH more invested in his R with GF. NOW, he'll look like a shallow idiot if it doesn't work out. NOW, he has in his head that he HAS to make it work with her because SHE is the reason for the D.
This is the line you keep feeding yourself, him, and now his family. OF COURSE the more this goes on the harder it will be for him to leave.
Imagine instead: "Gee H, you are right. This M isn't good for either of us. It isn't about outside people, it is about longstanding problems in our M that go back years. I know it is hard and painful for you to try to find a better life. Who knows where we'll wind up. I can understand how it must be comforting right now to have a close friend to help you through this difficult time."
If that is the narrative, then it is much easier for H to let go of his GF when he is through the rough patch, done with having a FWB, whatever.
So stop pushing your narrative hoping he'll fall to your feet and repudiate it. He won't. Just the opposite.
Instead, give him space to figure out what he wants from his own life and how she fits into it. SHE is not your business. You are separated. You are not in a monogamous R. Ignore her.
And NO, do not go tell the in-laws and H about this. Just LET IT GO and MYOB.
