Dory everything you say makes perfect sense. I'm aware of my problem and anxiety. Honestly don't ever remember having this much anxiety until my W dropped the D bomb on me. I never paid attention to my surroundings as much until this happened. Then she dropped D on me and I started going into fix it mode (which we all know translates to push off cliff mode) I started become so aware of her and everything and my anxiety spiraled out of control.
Now being separated in LIMBO mode is the most stressful thing I've experienced. It fuels my stupid anxiety.
I understand why I do the things I do. Its to solve my temporary anxiety. For example when i was snooping in her email way back in the day it was to answer my own fears good or bad. Now I get it.
Or when I call her MIL its to answer my own fears good or bad. Its a temp fix for my anxiety which the long run makes it worst.
When I lived at home and my W was level and fun I have no anxiety. My trigger that I notice is when she becomes miserable and withdrawn my anxiety spikes.
